Loss of Loved One
What we once enjoyed and deeply loved, we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes part of us.
When suffering the loss of a loved one, you might hear a comforter say “I know just how you feel”. Their sentiments may be well-meaning, however, the truth is, it is unlikely that they could possibly know ‘“how YOU feel”, as grief looks and feels different to everyone. The five stages of grief have been well publicized and is a wonderful guideline to ensure the grieving person that what they are feeling is normal. In our world of To-Do lists, this should be comforting, in fact how wonderful it would be to include a timeline along with it, to get a grasp on how long the gut wrenching pain will last. Unfortunately, the timeline is different for every single person who has lost a loved one, and the process equally as different.
The stages are real, but the manner in which people process vary. Some people may have to delay processing their grief if their circumstances require them to be the strong one that supports their family or friends through the event. This may require them to mask their own grief. There are also personality types that have more difficulty dealing with loss. They can often remain in denial, seeking distractions to deal with the pain, and those distractions could be potentially harmful to their health and relationships.
It is important to know that this is not something you need to do alone, ask for help. People want to relieve your burden, let them. If you are experiencing this with a spouse or children, be tolerant of their grief. It can swing like a pendulum frequently. Do not judge it, them or yourself. If you feel like crying, cry. If you feel like laughing, laugh. If you feel like talking about your loved one, speak freely, and if not, then hold them silently in your heart. People who love you will not judge. No one has the correct answer for you, only you, so be tolerant and patient with yourself. Your difficult road ahead becomes easier if you do not deny the process, yet embrace it if you can. I have experienced intimate losses in my lifetime, and if you so choose, I am here to walk your journey with you.