“MERRY CHRISTMAS” / “HAPPY HOLIDAYS”
These well-wishes can be difficult
to hear and say when grieving
There was a time when I would be so excited the weekend after Thanksgiving. Decorating the house, trimming the tree, and baking until you couldn’t stand any longer. The air was filled with laughter and music, and our days revolved around football games, traditional Christmas movies, and pizza nights. Those moments were magic—full of joy, chaos, and love.
But the year we lost our daughter, life changed. The holiday season felt like a stark reminder of what was missing. The twinkling lights, cheerful carols, and even the smell of cookies baking became triggers for overwhelming sadness. Joy felt like a foreign concept, and the rituals that once brought delight now only magnified the ache in our hearts.
For anyone experiencing significant loss during the holiday season, the well-meaning wishes of “Have a Happy Holiday” or “The Merriest of Christmases to You” can land differently. These cheerful greetings, while spoken with kindness, often leave the grieving person speechless, forcing an obligatory smile or a polite nod. The pressure of maintaining that façade can feel exhausting and isolating.
It’s important to acknowledge that the days “before” the loss can never truly be replicated. But over time—often in ways that are subtle and unplanned—joy begins to creep back into the season. It doesn’t look or feel the same as it once did. New traditions, mingled with old ones, slowly take shape, eventually bringing a sense of comfort and even gratitude for what still remains.
If you’re struggling with the holidays this year, remember: you don’t need anyone’s permission to forgo the merriment or rewrite the traditions. Be gentle with yourself and honor your limitations. If the decorations feel like too much, skip them. If the idea of a big gathering feels overwhelming, opt for something smaller or quieter. Grief during the holidays is not a journey you have to force; it’s one you navigate in your own time and way.
For those celebrating as usual this year, while someone near you is grieving, there’s an opportunity to show care and compassion. Instead of the usual holiday phrases, try something like, “I wish you love, safety, and a healing heart this holiday.” This simple acknowledgment of their grief can be a profound reassurance of your support. It says, “I see you. I care about what you’re going through.”
The holidays can be complicated for those carrying loss, but they also offer a chance to extend kindness, understanding, and connection. Whether you’re grieving or supporting someone who is, know that the heart of the season—love and togetherness—can still shine through, even in the darkest moments.
Find yourself craving some support as you navigate the holidays?
Reach out to book a free consultation.
