“Social Media's Impact on Conversations: Hindering Human Connection & Rewiring Our Relationships”
"Even the technology that promises to unite us, divides us. Each of us is now electronically connected to the globe, and yet we feel utterly alone.”
Social Media's Impact on Conversations:
Let’s take a moment of self-reflection. How often do we find ourselves listening just to respond, rather than truly hearing the other person? Do we rely on rehearsed responses with acquaintances or fall into monologues with friends and family? Are we too absorbed in our own narratives to be genuinely curious about others’ stories? Even the mere presence of a smartphone can subtly disrupt face-to-face interactions. Could our online habits be rewiring our ability to connect?
Let’s try an experiment:
For one month, commit to asking at least three meaningful questions in every conversation lasting more than five minutes.
Pay attention to co-workers, family, and even yourself. At first, this may feel like you are performing.
Each week, observe any shifts in your connections.
Are you relating to others differently?
Is your curiosity becoming more genuine?
Does the feeling of ‘performing’ fade as engagement deepens?
The Proof is in the science:
Research from Harvard Business School confirms that people who ask more questions are perceived as more empathetic and ultimately form stronger relationships (Huang et al., 2017). Yet, in an average conversation, people ask fewer than four questions per hour.
MRI studies reveal that being asked personal questions activates the brain’s pleasure centers in the same way as receiving money or eating chocolate (Tamir & Mitchell, 2012).
A 2018 study found that 54% of adults feel as though they don’t have anyone who truly knows them (Ipsos, 2018). When asked if their relationships were meaningful, 43% said they were not.
Our brains are wired for authentic connection, craving it like a physical need. Ironically, despite being surrounded by people, many of us are starved for true connection.
Perhaps the real power of asking questions isn’t just in being heard but in truly hearing others. Counteracting our tendency to disengage requires conscious effort. True listening involves more than just hearing words—it demands curiosity, follow-up questions, and resisting the impulse to interject with our own stories. Rather than waiting for our turn to speak, we should focus on genuinely understanding the other person’s perspective.
Finding Balance:
Social media itself isn’t inherently bad, but our relationship with it needs balance. By recognizing its impact on our communication and making small adjustments—putting our phones away during conversations, actively listening, and prioritizing curiosity—we can reclaim the depth and authenticity of our interactions.
Next time you engage in conversation, challenge yourself to be fully present. You might be surprised at how much richer your connections become.
Practical steps to foster meaningful connection:
BE Presence:
Put away devices during meals, family time, or date nights.
Set boundaries for phone use, such as no scrolling after a certain hour or keeping phones out of the bedroom
ASK Thoughful Questions:
Go beyond “How was your day?” and ask open-ended questions like, “What’s something that made you smile today?” or “What’s been on your mind lately?”
Show genuine curiosity about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
Create Screen-Free Rituals:
Establish moments of connection that don’t involve electronics, like a weekly coffee chat, a walk, or a game night.
Use these moments to explore each other’s inner worlds rather than exchanging surface-level updates.
Practice Vulnerability:
Share your own feelings and experiences openly, even if it feels uncomfortable. Vulnerability invites others to do the same.
When someone shares something meaningful, respond with empathy and compassion instead of advice or judgment.
References
Huang, K., Yeomans, M., Brooks, A. W., Minson, J., & Gino, F. (2017). It doesn’t hurt to ask: Question-asking increases liking. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 113(3), 430–452. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000097
Tamir, D. I., & Mitchell, J. P. (2012). Disclosing information about the self is intrinsically rewarding. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 109(21), 8038–8043. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1202129109
Ipsos. (2018). U.S. Loneliness Index: Survey of 20,000 Americans Examining Behaviors Driving Loneliness in the United States.
