Forgiving is not forgetting; it is letting go of the hurt.
While people suffering from addiction may have a long road to recovery, the individuals nearest to them also suffer. It can put a strain on marriages, friendships, professional lives, and the physical health of those closest to the addict.
For the caretaker, life can often feel like a roller coaster ride. It is normal to want to placate the situation for the sake of peace, enable the addict in the name of compassion, or even cling to denial to avoid judgement of others. Unfortunately, these tactics rarely solve the addicts issues and conversely can cause resentment.
You can choose to play the victim or enabler, or you can modify some of your own behaviors and ultimately support your addict by acknowledging their illness and returning the responsibility and control back to them. It is after all, their journey and their timeframe, not yours. And in turn, you can regain control of your life. This is not a battle you need to face alone. If you are ready and willing, contact me to offer the help, comfort and support on your journey to a more peaceful life.
It is only after you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone that you begin to change, grow and transform.
I have throughout my life come in contact with individuals of different degrees of narcissistic behavior. If you are a people pleaser or minimizer, you may have written off that behavior as simply a “healthy self-esteem”. You may believe their grandiose stories of themselves, “as who are you to be so bold as to challenge them”? You may even be willing to take on the responsibility for their failures as they artfully shift blame from themselves.
They are often master manipulators and are proficient at gaslighting. They may play to your kindness OR to your weaknesses for their benefit. After prolonged interaction with them, even the most confident, secure, and energetic individual may find themselves battling low self esteem and self doubt. A person who once stood with conviction of their ideals and dreams, may after time, lose the stamina to defend them. It is not unusual for a dialogue with a narcissist to be one sided and will not end until they have convinced you they are right, and you have conceded to their beliefs.
If you are feeling a loss of self, loss of confidence, or even loss of your voice that has resulted from a relationship with a narcissist, it is not a coincidence you are here on my website. It may just be the right time for you to regain your voice and take back control of your life.
Whatever you focus on, controls you.
When dealing with the stressors of losing a job, whether it was the ideal dream job, or contrarily, not ideal but did offer financial security, it is a normal response for fear and anxiety to take over; fear of judgment from others or fear of the unknown. To view this transition as an opportunity, and the previous job as a stepping stone, doors can open to a more fulfilling and happy future. Perspective is the key.
It is common for individuals to look for their happiness by “running” into the future looking for the power, fame, & wealth that appear to make others happy. We may try to emulate that, but if we look closely, we all know people who have all those things, and yet they are not happy. Conversely, one might get stuck looking to the past, reminiscing of a happiness that no longer exists. However, by remaining present and giving this time to yourself to gently and calmly realize your deepest aspirations, you can realign your path to one that brings joy and satisfaction to your life. You might dig deep and reignite a passion or dream you once had. You might even realize that you had already reached your potential at the previous job, and this transition is opening an opportunity for growth and more fulfillment.
We are always focusing on something. And, although it is necessary to acknowledge the feelings of worry and anxiety, it is important to return your focus to the present, giving freedom to your energy and creativity to conceive your next step. So, ask yourself: “what is preventing you from taking the path that you most deeply desire?”. If you are ready to take a ‘deep dive’ into the discovery and design of a future you are excited about, it may just be your time to consider a coaching session.